I’ve concluded several times recently that talking shit about other people is not okay at all and should be avoided at all costs. There are several reasons for this.
One is that it’s an incredibly small world. You never know who you’re talking trash about, and what relationship that person has with someone else you know who may or may not be someone of importance or value.
About a year ago, I was outside of a club, and I tried to pick up a girl who was sitting by herself smoking a cigarette.
She wasn’t interested, so I just moved on, and it was as simple as that.
A week later, I was talking to a group of guys, and like always, guys started talking about women they’ve met recently, fucked, etc., etc.
I began talking about this girl who I tried to pick up who was an exotic dancer, and it turns out, this chick was sleeping with one of the guys with whom I was talking.
Now, It wasn’t a big deal because they weren’t dating or anything and I didn’t say anything disrespectful or what have you, but it blew my mind how small the world was.
Especially, when you’re in a city that isn’t that big.
It’s best not to talk about other people at all unless it’s good things. You never know whose toes you’re stepping on!
I could cite several examples coming from my life.
However, I think you get the point.
The next important reason is that you simply don’t know what another person is going through or their particular circumstances.
There’s a real possibility that everything you hear about somebody is complete bullshit, or rather, the result of some misunderstanding or misinterpretation.
For example, a long time ago I remember someone I worked with was talking shit about another guy we knew. We’ll call him, Mike.
Mike was a cool guy who looked a lot like Calvin Harris. He worked as a bouncer at a popular college bar in a town not far from where I lived.
A person I know was talking mad shit about this guy, just because Mike was in his early 30′ and didn’t have a lot going for him, no offense to Mike.
For example, he still lived with his mom.
I couldn’t help but agree with the shit-talker, but I never really said much.
However, I later found out that Mike’s mom had cancer and that was why he lived with her. He was taking care of her.
It made me realize that everything bad this guy was saying about Mike was the result of rumor, speculation, a lack of information, or stemming from an insecurity of some type.
I say, “insecurity,” because although Mike’s circumstances weren’t that great, he was fairly good with women because he was a good looking guy, and his job afforded him all kinds of opportunities with the opposite sex.
I think the shit-talker was secretly just a bit envious of him.
People talk a lot of shit, and often the things they say are completely unfounded or are the result of total speculation.
I wrote about this in another article, “Believe Half Of What You See And None Of What You Hear.”
Talking shit about other people also makes you look bad. There was a bartender who used to work with me at the club, and she had a HUGE vendetta against one of the other bartenders.
It was peculiar to me because they didn’t even work together ever.
The shit-talking bartender was always at the back bar, and the other one was on the other side.
The funny thing about this girl is that she would regularly talk badly about the other girl, who we will call, Adriana.
Adriana, however, would never say ANYTHING AT ALL about the shit-talker.
The shit-talking bartender never even crossed Adriana’s mind!
It made the shit-talker look so petty, pathetic, jealous, stupid, ignorant, and in general, just not a nice person.
It led to me not trusting her at all. Because, if she talked that much shit about Adriana, what did she say about me when I wasn’t around, right?
Which brings me to my next point:
If you’re constantly bad-mouthing people, the individuals listening to you no longer trust you.
They’re thinking to themselves, “what is this person going to say about me when I walk away?”
In conclusion, that old saying your parents and teachers used to tell you – “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all,” – was actually in your best interest.
With that said, it doesn’t hurt to offer constructive criticism once in awhile. However, there’s a difference between telling someone the truth, and deliberately and maliciously back-stabbing the person as they walk away.
In conclusion, don’t talk shit for three main reasons:
1) The world is too small, and you don’t know whose toes you’re stepping on.
2) You don’t know someone else’s circumstances and what they’re going through.
3) a) It makes you look like a bitter and jealous prick
b) because you seem like a bitter and jealous prick, no one will trust you.